Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
