well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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