We're facebook friends in real life
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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