Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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