I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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