Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
