I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
