dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
