He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
