theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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