I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
