im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
