Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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