things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just invented taco cereal.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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