i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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