Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
