I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
