you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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