Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
