So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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