He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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