I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The ass gains better be worth it
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