I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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