Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
