I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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