My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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