chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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