Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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