My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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