my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
