ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
