so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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