I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
