i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Success! We fucked roommates!
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