I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
