just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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