girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
