Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
