I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
