U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
