You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
