I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
