Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
