do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
