We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
