Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
