Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
