She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
