We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
