just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
