I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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