that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
